(2) The Nightmare Before Christmas vs. (63) Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-rabbit
The only way someone is voting against Nightmare here is if they think it’s a Christmas movie and not a Halloween one. I used to feel that way but as Christmas creep brings Christmas commercials and merchandise to us by mid-October, it feels like a distinction without difference. Apologies to Wallace and Gromit, who I’m sure are starring in a very fine movie, but this one is done.
(23) Sabrina the Teenage Witch vs. (42) Dracula: Dead and Loving It
I just saw Mel Brooks on Only Murders in the Building this month at the age of 97 but it’s been almost 30 years since he stopped directing and I think we can safely spread the rumor that it’s because the last movie he did was Dracula: Dead and Loving It. A bomb with audiences and critics alike, I still have a soft spot for Leslie Nielsen’s particular brand of comedy. Sometimes you enjoy a movie not for how much you enjoy it but for how much someone you love enjoys it.
Melissa Joan Hart had TV viewers in a chokehold in the ‘90s and early ‘00s. The success and efficiency of her empire reminds me of the Olsen twins at their height.1 Given that her acting ability is perhaps not commensurate with the level of success her shows achieved (also an Olsen trademark), I can only assume that Hart moved viewers from the grounded appeal of Clarissa to Sabrina’s more fantastical plotlines by sheer force of will.
I was a little shocked to learn that Sabrina went seven seasons, which means Sabrina saw 9/11, but in retrospect it makes sense because Sabrina was absolutely the kind of low budget, long-running show they don’t make anymore, where the plot is just ~*~*vibes~*~*~ and no one is concerned with continuity. Characters move away to Alaska or break up with you offscreen over the phone only to come back to get amnesia from a spell only to come back to ride off with you into the sunset after not seeing you for a year. It’s like when Saved by the Bell introduced Tori and never explained why she seemed to exist in an alternate universe from Kelly. I admire it! I miss it! Sabrina for the win.
(18) Clue vs. (47) Gremlins
We’ve had a movie based on a theme park ride, now for one based on a board game. Clue is a classic murder mystery that’s cleverer than it has any right to be. Perfectly cast, funny, surprisingly adult for a movie based on a game, even a bit experimental. In a tribute to its board game origin, the original film shipped to theaters with three different endings so theatergoers would leave their showings with different answers to the question of who committed the crime where and with what weapon. The home video and broadcast versions play the endings one after another, in a sort of suit yourself finale, but I appreciate the ambition of the original idea.
This is one of Tim Curry’s most famous roles and people generally remember his part best when talking about it, but Clue also gave us one of the internet’s oldest and most venerated gifs:
I haven’t seen Gremlins in many years and in reviewing for this bracket, I belatedly realized it might actually qualify as horror with actual gruesome murder scenes. Reviews suggest the second one is more cartoonish and less scary so let’s say that’s the one we’re talking about. The gremlins are definitely cute, but they scared me silly as a child, so Clue is my pick.
(10) What We Do in the Shadows vs. (55) Boo, Bitch
The tragedy of To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before is that Noah Centineo got so much smoke when Lana Condor was the real revelation. It’s shameful how little has come of her starring in one of the best romantic comedies of the new millenium. She at least got a chance to headline her own TV show, Boo, Bitch!, which feels like a throwback to Disney Halloween movies of old.
Condor is a teenager who’s just made it through four years of keeping her head down to survive high school when, on the verge of graduation, she dies and becomes a ghost. She’s still visible to others so she decides to go back and live like there’s no tomorrow, since for her there probably isn’t. Combining the naturally reckless feeling of “I’ll never see these people again” that comes with senior week with supernatural confidence leads to a fun, light show with a surprisingly emotional ending.
I don’t seriously believe anyone will vote for it over What We Do in the Shadows, a funny movie that became a truly incredible TV show.
(I wanted the video of everyone trying to get Colin Robinson into private school but there isn’t a good clip on youtube so here’s Jackie Daytona.)
(26) Kiki’s Delivery Service vs. (39) The Witches
It was clear from the start that a Studio Ghibli movie needed to be in the competition, and I almost went with Howl’s Moving Castle, which I think is slightly more famous, but Kiki is heartwarming and gentle while also being explicitly Halloween-y. What could be more in the spirit of the holiday than a movie about a witch traveling on her broomstick with her black cat beside her?
The Witches is at the opposite end of the spectrum from Kiki, one of those movies for kids that you watch as an adult while wondering “is this not too scary for kids?” Anjelica Huston truly has the range, making her second appearance in the tournament here for playing one of its scarier characters in total contrast to her beloved role in the The Addams Family.
I haven’t seen the Anne Hathaway remake but I heard it’s pretty good too. I have no real choice in this one, do what you will.
(7) Silly Symphonies: The Skeleton Dance vs. (58) Twitches
A few times, I’ve mentioned The Skeleton Dance to someone recently and been met with blank incomprehension only for them to light up when I show them the youtube video. The oldest entry in the bracket (1929!), everyone knows these dancing skeletons even if they don’t know their name.
Twitches is a bit more of a niche pick, a Disney Channel Original Movie starring the Mowrys and revolving around a twins switched at birth plot but with witchcraft. If you weren’t a certain age in the 2000s, you might have missed it altogether, while The Skeleton Dance has been famous for so long that it was animated by UB IWERKS before he left Disney. It will win easily.
(15) Edward Scissorhands vs. (50) Wednesday
Did you know that the same person wrote Edward Scissorhands, The Nightmare Before Christmas, and The Addams Family? People sometimes debate when Tim Burton lost his touch; to me it’s clear it’s when Caroline Thompson stopped writing his movies.
What makes Edward Scissorhands shine is how tender it is. Winona Ryder ranks up there with Christina Ricci in her pedigree of playing beloved outsiders, but it’s Dianne Wiest who’s the soul of the movie. Thompson makes Burton’s unformed premise surprisingly heartfelt but it couldn’t be done without the warmth of the neighborhood Avon lady, who unquestioningly accepts, and then loves, the inexplicable.
For all my Addams Family talk, I haven’t actually seen Wednesday and I’m not sure I’m going to. The idea of an Addams at a magic school feels strange. If an Addams isn’t surrounded by normies, what’s the gag? I like Ortega and I know the show is popular but the setting paradoxically makes Wednesday less weird and less appealing.
(31) Little Shop of Horrors vs. (34) Los Espookys
What a tough matchup! Little Shop is a musical written by Howard Ashman, and everyone here knows how I feel about Howard Ashman. A killer talking plant and a girl group Greek chorus plus my beloved Rick Moranis, who I wish would return to acting. He can shrink the kids, he can do whatever he wants! Just come back to me.
Little Shop is so strange and unlike anything else, but so is Los Espookys, a Spanish language HBO show that is impossible to describe. Is there a plot? Not one I could explain to you! But there’s a deadpan humor and an off-kilter sensibility that I love. Dreamy, weird, funny and with a group of friends doing their best to pursue a creative living.
This is a great pairing of lovable weirdos. You can’t go wrong.
Hart’s production company, Hartbreak Films, produced not only Clarissa, Sabrina, and many of her Christmas movies but also a reality show about her own wedding in Italy in 2003, which aired on ABC Family the same year and, I assume, paid for the wedding. You gotta respect the hustle!